Minggu, 13 Oktober 2013

the happy me

hello.... so it's been a long long long time since the last time i posted. and yesssss things have been better and better, now that i've found my light at the end of a long dark tunnel that i had been through. that long tunnel had taught me A LOT. now i understand why i went through so many bad things. it's for me, to learn.

things have changed so much, i don't know where to start. i met this amazing person and he changed everything...... almost everything, i mean. from tears to laughters, from frowns to smiles, from sadness to hapiness... cause i feel like right now, i'm as happy as i can be :):) and i thank God for that. after all the pains and suffers, here comes what i was looking for.

"How to be happy?" you might ask this question a lot. and you know, after all the things i've been through, i've learned something so simple but so big, "People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." so if you want to be happy, do what makes you happy. leave people or things that make you sad. 

sometimes you have to let people go because they are toxic to you. let them go because they take and take and leave you empty. let them go because in the ocean of life when all you're trying to do is stay afloat, they are the anchor that's drowning you. no matter how much you love them.

have a blessed monday!

----"people met for a reason. either it's a blessing, or a lesson."----

Jumat, 22 Februari 2013

we never know

hello! been a while since the last time i posted. :D

well.... it's just about 3-4 months, but things have REALLY changed down here. :)
it's ridiculously true that time can really change everything. even when we least expect it, things just automatically change by the seconds, minutes, hours and days we're going through. sometimes we just don't appreciate where God has brought us. and that's when a thing called "regret" comes. we regret what we did, and that hurts badly as we know it. it is the worst pain EVER and what hurts the most is when you realized that you can't change a thing about it. you get disappointed, to no one but yourself.

have you ever questioned to yourself, "What have i done?"? i do, ALL THE TIME. and there always comes a night when all you do is crying over something you extremely want, but at the same time you're feeling so sure that thing is not going to happen. and then the regret comes..... and the tears stream.... and then you go to sleep... and the next morning you feel stupid. i do, ALL THE TIME

now that things are not the way that i wanted them to be, i guess all i have to do is to just go through it with a smile (whether it's fake or not) on my face, telling myself that i can do it (whether i can or can't). i mean, you know.... there always come times when you see the one you love, love someone else... and inside, you're dying. and you don't even know how he feels about you. people changed by time. and sometimes they're being so weird.... like, today he suddenly being so nice to you, and the next day he suddenly being so mean that you don't even understand why he's doing it. so weird. oh why? we just never know.

"sometimes it's better to lock up your feelings deep inside and become cool, rather than being a puppet of your own emotion and appear as an emotional fool." SO TRUE. i never know how he feels to me. i never know how much lies he has been giving to me all this time. i never know what he feels about hurting me. i never know how much memories of us that left in his brain. but all i wanna do right now is pray for him to be the best he can be, because he promised(if he remember)

we always think that life's unfair, ALWAYS. like when i have done everything i could ever do to him, gave more than what i had to give to him, cried a million tears.... but he still doesn't even realize/appreciate what i did, and he left just like that. he moved the fuck on, and i'm still here without even move a step forward. and all i wanna do is to ask him, how did he do it to me? but i know there will be no answer.

it was tough, you know to accept things you don't want to accept. but that's the thing about life, you don't always get what you want. so i guess that's the end of that "regretful" story, it's time to think about someone who will appreciates more, and let go. don't regret too much, okay? :)

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” 

oiya one more thing! it's better for you to just be alone knowing that you'll never make it with someone for now, than be with someone but still love someone else you had in the past. haha xoxo

Sabtu, 27 Oktober 2012

Thoughts of the broken-hearted one

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to tell you mostly. I hate that I'm so afraid of everything. I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have. I hate that you let me go before I even got to say goodbye. I wish that you would come back to me. I wish I were strong enough to say no to you. I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left. I need to move on says my head. I need to hold on says my heart. I need to decide says my mind. I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at allI envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all. I want to hurt you. I want to be with you. I want this nightmare to be over. I wish I could make things like they were, like they used to be. I wish I could change time. I wish I could change you. I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me. I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted. I need you out of my thoughts. I need you out of my heart. I need to start doing things for me. I hate that you used me. I hate that I gave you something I can never have back. I hate that I wasted it with you. I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you. I'm tired of wanting something I can't have. I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault. I'm sorry I was never good enough. I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right. I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me, for breaking me, for not loving me.